It’s Not My Stinking Fault!

Posted on March 3, 2018 by Joel Smith

The Problem With Blame

Over the years I have made a few observations how leaders and managers tend to handle situations that have gone south or are going south. When problems arise, for most of us we prefer the problem be someone else’s mistake so it doesn’t reflect on us. Some people go their entire life trying to avoid blame.

It seems to be important to clarify our innocence to avoid any negative perceptions about us. Once the blame has conveniently been assigned to someone else, we breathe a sigh of relief.

Man Wearing A Suit Jacket And Stripe Necktie

Sometimes we get so caught up in blame-shifting, we lose sight of perhaps the most important factor, the solution. Somehow blamelessness becomes our highest priority, or at least one of them.

“Some people’s blameless lives are to blame for a good deal.” – Dorothy L. Sayers

We will go to great lengths to make sure blame doesn’t stick to us. Inevitably we can’t avoid blame forever. We often truly are at fault. Our employees always see our faults, even when we re-assign them. When we admit our faults, we are usually the last to know.

Sometimes the question goes from “Why can’t people do anything right?” to “Why can’t I do anything right?” We associate fault with our identity. Sometimes we internalize blame and beat ourselves up. We believe the more blame becomes attached to our name, the less others will think of us, and the lower our self-image will be. We can become paralyzed by the fear of what others think of us. The lower our self-image is, the more it hurts to receive blame or criticism. It’s a vicious cycle that spirals downhill unless interrupted. This is not a healthy way to think and will lead every leader down a black hole of dispair.

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ―Wayne W. Dyer

If you are a person in charge, and have authority to produce results through other people, you may have learned that if something goes wrong under your care, it’s your fault. There may be some truth to this, but there is a difference between fault and responsibility. It may be entirely, or partially your fault. Either way it is your responsibility as the leader to determine the reasons the problem happened, so we can determine the solution and how to prevent it from happening next time. This is far more important that assigning blame.

I have seen people in the middle of a crisis, become fixated on proclaiming “It’s not my fault!” We see this with customer service. Instead of solving the customers issue that would require a simple apology (regardless of who is right), they make it personal and take up their need for innocence or justice. The solution gets ignored, and the problem grows.

Blame is one sided and typically leads to feelings of judgement. Blame drives people further away from taking responsibility for their actions, not closer. When blame is quickly heaped upon a person already struggling with their self-image, they move further away from taking ownership and initiative to fix the problem. Their fight or flight instincts kick in and self preservation safeguards go up. Their confidence takes a hit and they lose hope that they are capable of being part of the solution. This leads to a feeling stuck and helpless.

Ironically, some struggling managers are quick to deflect blame onto their employees thinking that somehow, they will respond differently. We pass on the disfunction because we don’t feel strong enough to stop it.

The Solution

When blame is big, responsibility is small. Responsibility is the missing ingredient that gets pushed aside for blamelessness. Responsibility takes ownership of the problem, but more importantly it takes ownership for the solution. It is positive outcome focused, rather than avoidance driven.

Great Leaders have the ability of taking the focus off the problem and redirecting it towards resolutions. They encourage ownership of solutions both corporately and individually. When people begin to take ownership of their own solutions, they begin to grow personally and the organization grows.

There is a fork in the road that all in leadeship have to face. This choice we make will determine if we take flight, or if we remain grounded by blame and doubt. Leaders in most any field inevitably must go through this doorway to get to your personal launch pad.

When you make the conscious decision to commit to being 100% responsible for your life, and let go of the need for blamelessness, you will be free from the control of blame. Those people in your past that helped form your self-perception by using blame or control, will have no authority or power over you any longer. You will be free.

Glasses Reading Glasses Spectacles Eye Wea

Once a person makes this choice, the light comes on and the blinders come off and a new refreshing outlook on their career and life begins. Those of you that have crossed this bridge understand what I am describing. Everyone has a different story for how they got to this place, but we must all get through this to find clarity.

“Once a person makes this choice, the light comes on and the blinders come off and a new refreshing outlook on their career and life begins”

This World Sucks!

We want so badly to believe that all of our problems are because of our environment. It’s the people in our lives that let us down. It’s my parents fault, It’s the political environment. It’s the younger generation. Or my favorite, “it’s McDonalds fault that I am unhealthy”. The truth is that we are all 100% responsible for our own view of the world. When we stop trying to bend our worldview (or religion) around our personal justification and begin yeilding our lives around others, we will learn to appreciate what we have, and the people around us. When you see the world as a jungle, survival at others expense becomes our goal. When we see the world as a mission field, helping people at our expense becomes our joy.

No one else is responsible for your crappy worldview! It is 100% your responsiblity, so get over it and start doing something for others and your worldview will improve.

The day you take 100% responsibility for your life is the day you will conquer the ugly blame monster and learn to give yourself and others a little grace and learn to pass it on. It’s the Law of Exchange. Like a trapeze artist, you grab ahold of responsibility with one hand and let go of blamelessness with the other. You go from bondage to freedom with one swing.

“If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you are going to have to take 100% responsibility for your life as well. That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all the reason why you can’t and why you haven’t up until now, and all your blaming of outside circumstances. You have to give them all up forever“– Jack Canfield – Taking 100% Responsibility for Your life. (great article).

John Maxwell says “You have to give up, to go up”. When you lead by example by being 100% responsible, people take notice and navigate toward you. When you give up blame, and embrace solutions, you become a magnet for future leaders. You become a vehicle to influence and prepare your employees for the time they come to their own fork in the road.

You can’t give away what you don’t have. So go get it!

I would love to hear your story of how you got over this obstacle.

Are You Struggling at Work?

Posted on April 27, 2017 by Joel Smith

Emotional Distress in the Workplace

Have you ever found yourself stuck in your job feeling like you have come to the end of a dead-end street, or stuck on a long winding road? Have you wondered if there really is something greater around the bend that is worth striving for? One of the most common reasons that we find ourselves feeling this way is due to emotional distress.

On an upcoming Wise Work Radio program Tom Noteboom and I will be exploring the question What Keeps People from Advancing in the Workplace?

Can you relate to any of the following symptoms of emotional distress? If so, there is hope for you.

Symptoms of Emotional Distress

Anxiety or restlessness
Depression, feelings of sadness, emptiness or hopelessness
Anger, bitterness, irritability or frustration
Guilt, or feelings of worthlessness or failure
Feeling overwhelmed or lost
Loss of interest or energy
Loneliness and isolation.

When we experience physical pain in the body we naturally tend to think that something is happening to us that is un-necessary and wrong. We don’t always see value in the experience or see what may be coming next. It is easy to become distressed about our pain, but not so easy to learn from it or appreciate its value.

Guardrails

Emotional pain is much like physical pain. It points out that something is not as it should be. Emotional pain is like a guardrail that says, if you keep going this direction you are going to experience even greater pain.

Andy Stanley says “Guardrails protect us from what lurks on the other side. The danger zone… Personal guardrails are boundaries you establish on the safe side of damaging decisions that protect you from the danger ahead. They’re meant to set off warning bells over seemingly little things…little things that can lead to big, messy consequences.”

Bumping up against a guardrail is painful, but not as destructive as pushing beyond them. It should be a sign that your current path needs to change to avoid greater harm. We need to establish emotional guardrails to keep our distress from leading us into more difficult situations down the road.

Distress Affects Others

If you are struggling with emotional distress in your place of work, others around you likely notice your struggles. It can be very difficult to meet the challenges required to grow and advance in your career when you have internal obstacles that are working against you, and sometimes unknowingly against others. It’s even harder if you don’t want to believe your struggles are indeed internal (your own doing) and not due to your circumstances, or other people holding you back.

Emotional distress increases when responsibility is avoided. It’s your responsibility to find the solution to your distress, not your right to embrace it, or for others to be responsible for it. Face it, Embrace it, Replace it!

So, Where is the Hope?

Mat 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Come To Me…

If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, anger or guilt you know what it means to be weary and burdened. You may feel like there is no rest for your soul, like something is missing, buy you cannot quite put your finger on it.

Jesus challenges us to a call to action by telling us to “come to me, all you who are weary and burdened…”. He is not as interested in removing all your discomfort, as he is addressing the heart issue. He wants to give you what is missing so you can find a lighter burden in your work.

Take My Yoke

The second challenge that Jesus calls us to in to “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…”. Jesus isn’t saying that if you acknowledge him he will simply take away all your burdens. He is saying if you join him on his journey, you will take on a different burden with him that will lead to restfulness.

Everyone Loves a Three-step Process…

So, what does it look like to come to Jesus and take his yoke?

Luke 9:23-24 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”

Jesus address’s the solution to our emotional distress.

Deny yourself – Let go of any unrealistic, self-focused plans you have for yourself.
Take up your cross daily – Stop fighting the wrong battle, and join Him in the good fight.
Follow Jesus – Learn from the greatest person who ever walked this earth. The one who died for you!

Emotional distress is the natural consequence when someone walks through life with intention to “save their life”. What are you willing to lose to find it?

Get Out From Under That Bowl!

Posted on March 23, 2017 by Joel Smith

We have a problem in our country, in our world. People don’t seem to value themselves much. Suicide rates are up, people aren’t taking care of themselves physically, intellectually or emotionally. More and more people lack confidence and motivation to work towards significance. So many in our culture seem to be defeated, they don’t seem to see any light or reason to even try to move forward. They are stuck and feel helpless and hopeless with nothing real to believe in.

Is it any wonder people feel this way when they look around and see the philosophy of this world? We live primarily in a country that the majority of people believe that there is no real lasting purpose in life. Even people who claim to follow a belief system that includes a purpose tend to live as if there isn’t. I meet so many people who don’t have anyone telling them otherwise. There doesn’t seem to be any light coming in the window to shine on them.

Jesus has an entirely different perspective on our value.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Mat 5:14-16

If you are in a position of influence but failing to influence, I challenge you to Get Out From Under That Bowl!

John Maxwell says that we cannot add value to others until we add value to ourselves. The way we treat and value others is less of how we view them and more about how we view ourselves. If we don’t believe we have significant value, we won’t think others have significant value. This is the Mirror Principle.

Honest people give others the benifit of the doubt,
Thieves believe everyone steals,
Trusting people see others as trustworthy,
Selfish people are always assuming the worst in others,
Caring people see others as compassionate,
People with little confidence don’t have much confidence in others,

Cultural Influence

The truth is that our culture is lying to you. You do have value, your potential is unlimited and open and available for you to discover. You do have a purpose and it’s your responsibility to find out what it is. No one can hold you back without your permission. Choice of thought is the most powerful tool you have.

If you are one who believes you hold little value… Get over yourself and do something about it! Break your chains of bondage. People are counting on you even if you don’t realize it. Imagine a line of people waiting to receive something of value from you that they desperately need… and you don’t show up. From the looks of our world, it appears most are not showing up.

“A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.”

You were created in the image of God for a specific purpose. When you find your purpose it will bring meaning and value to your heart. When you discover your gift to the world, you will begin to love yourself and value yourself as God values you, not the way the world values you.

“For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Mat 7:8

Contact me, lets chat.

So What Makes YOU so Valuable?

Posted on February 10, 2017 by Joel Smith

dollar Are you valuable to your employer? When I ask this question, most people would say “Yes, I am valuable to my employer”, and many would be right. Some may tend to believe they are more valuable to others than they really are, while others may not realize their true value. We all want to think we add value. But what is value? What does that mean? All employees’ matter of course, but the question I am asking is about value, and not importance.

Over the past few decades I have had the pleasure of working with hundreds of people. I have worked with some amazing people. They bring a great deal of value to the workplace and are major contributors to the success of the business. I am grateful for the staff and owe a debt of gratitude for all their hard work and commitment to helping us succeed. Every business relies on these champions, and my company is no different.

Reflecting back, I have also worked with many that brought little or no value to the success of the business. Unfortunately in today they seem to outnumber the champions. And then there are those who take from the business … they would have a negative value. Grrrrr, don’t get me started.

There is a difference between “quality of a person” and “value of an employee”. I have met many terrific people who contribute to the world and are wonderful people. But they brought little value to our workplace. Some were good people just in the wrong industry. Some were trying to take on responsibilities they were not qualified to do, and others just simply were not willing to put forth the effort to add value.

Entitlement

Unfortunately there is another group of people in the world that are a bit more challenging than the groups listed above. There are those who are emotionally broken and find it very difficult to see the world through any other lens but their own distorted pair.

When a person becomes desperate or stressed sometimes something gets triggered that can send them into a state of self-preservation. They begin to go into survival mode and become blind to others needs and how others see them in this state. A sense of entitlement takes over as they focus on how much they have done for others and how little they have received in return.. They may believe they are much more valuable to their employer than what the employer or teammates know to be true. They may express their feelings of being under appreciated or take a more passive agressive approach. They tend to justify doing less or helping themselves to “added benefits” because they feel underpaid anyway so they are just “evening the score”. Sometimes even when their work is suffering thay can have a puffed up distorted perspective of their value to the company. Usually by this time the writing is on the wall. You have likely worked with a person like this.

I am defining “value” in this article as the level a person contributes toward the success of a company, relative to their cost to the company.

People find reward by what we do in many different ways. Satisfaction of adding value to others is one of the most valuable rewards you can experience. It can go a long way toward feeling fulfilled, but it doesn’t tend to replace the need for meaningful financial gain. We all have responsibilities and needs that require making the most of our efforts.

Let’s Make a Deal

Most of us have had an experience with some kind of negotiation. In some cultures people haggle over the value of a peach or banana. We haggle over the value of a car or a house. We comparison shop all the time. The value message is everywhere. It’s the backbone of capitalism. We do this because the whole idea is to get as much value as you can for the lowest possible cost to you. It would be poor stewardship to pay more than we need for an item. Indeed, that is true.

In the job market, more experience, talent, education and a polished curb appeal leads to higher compensation. You are trying to make what you have already accomplished count for as much as possible. You want to get as much compensation for your future efforts as you can as long as you can deliver the goods. This is how it is, and should be.

The Change of Allegiance

Once you have chosen your position in the workplace and begun working, your allegiance changes. Or at least it should. If it doesn’t you are certain to remain at odds.

If you continue to put your needs above the company making sure you are paid more than what you are worth, there is a simple way to cut to the chase. Just do less. Unless you work on commission, your rewards are sure to outweigh your efforts if you just do less. As shortsighted as this seems, it really is the domanat approach in our country, unfortunately.

Bad work ethic

Do as little as you have to instead of as much as you can. This is the simplest way to make sure you are compensated more than what you are worth. If you really want to get creative, do less, threaten to leave, and ask for more money. The bottom of the workforce lives by the mantra “Do just enough, make what you can and take what you need.” Unfortunately our government has created an environment where sometimes people are incentivized to work less to receive more.

That sounds crazy but I’ll bet it struck a chord with you. Either you have been there and done that or have been affected by people like that. There are people that make deposits in this world and there are people who make withdrawals. You can figure out who adds more value to their own lives, career and their community.

In our company we call this the 60/90 effect. If you allow someone to work at 60%, they most likely will. They’ll do “as little as they have to”. If you expect them to work at 90% they may. Only if inspired, will people do “as much as they can”. I have yet to find an exception to this including myself.

Value Defined

cost If we define employee value as “the level a person contributes toward the success of a company, relative to their cost to the company.” then we also need to flush that out and address a major misconception.

If you wish to experience success you need to be worth more to your employer than what you are paid. What? That doesn’t sound right! You want me to make less than I am worth? Hang with me here pilgrim.

Someone who outperforms their compensation will raise their leverage and keep their services in high demand. When your compensation catches up to your value through competitive demand, it’s vital that you continue to strive to increase your worth to show that you are a worthy investment to your employer. If your employer believes their return on investment with you has become too costly, you may be asked to renegotiate your current agreement, or worse, you may become expendable.

“You need to be worth more to your employer than what you are paid”

The Golden Rule of Adding Value

If you wish to expect someone to contribute to the value of your company, you first need to contribute to the value of their life. People who feel more valued have more value. It’s funny how we as humans will run through walls for someone who runs through a wall for us. To the degree that a person adds value to you is the degree that you will go above and beyond your compensation and enjoy doing so.

The flipside to this is also true. If you are an employee and you wish for your employer to recognize you and increase your compensation. There is really only one way to do so. Raise your value in the eyes of everyone around you. Become more valuable to your employer. Don’t try to appear more valuable, be more valuable. Contribute more to the bottom line and make his/her job easier. Be exactly what they need for you to be in order for them to reach their goals and levels of success that is expected of them. Sometimes that means doing more, sometimes it means doing less of the meaningless things, and more of the important things. Sometimes it’s adjusting your values or learning a new skill or perfecting an existing skill. It always requires effort; it always comes at a price.

“If you are an employee and you wish for your employer to recognize you and increase your compensation. There is really only one way to do so. Raise your value… “

As an employer, I can say without a doubt that the people who embrace this perspective create their own opportunities. They flourished in their development and value to the company and in their value in the job market. If they increase their value and become a greater influence, compensation and opportunity will naturally increase. This is true. It’s the law of supply and demand. If it doesn’t happen, you have not really added value as you believe you have, or you are working for the wrong company and need to explore your options.

What are you worth?

Your market value is not what you believe you are worth. If I could determine what my efforts are worth, I would set it at a thousand dollars per hour, or $500 per pizza. Unfortunately for me it doesn’t work like that. It’s the people that are paying for what you bring to the table that need to decide what they are willing to pay you. The more you actually bring to the table the more valuable you are to others. It’s not how much time you put in or how well you know your job or how good you can convince others you are, it’s how much value you actually bring to the organization above and beyond your potential replacement in light of your current compensation. That’s your market value, nothing more, nothing less.

Good News!

You may not realize this, but employers are willing to pay more money than you currently make, to people with more value than you currently have. That is great news! That means all you have to do is increase your value to make more money.

You are completely in control of your income potential. You can choose to stay the same and continue with a similar wage, if that is what you value. Or if you desire a higher standard of living you can choose to invest in personal growth, adjust your allegiance to excellence, raise your value and be compensated for your efforts. You are the captain of your ship, not your environment, not the person signing your check. No one is holding you back, but you.

“…employers are willing to pay more money than you currently make, to people with more value than you currently have…That means all you have to do is increase your value to make more money.”

Your potential for raising your income is 100% up to you and not limited to external factors. It’s not up to your boss, it’s not up to the government, and it’s not due to bad luck, the economy or your upbringing. It’s up to YOU to change you.

The Pareto Principle (80/20) says that the top 20% of the people share 80% of the rewards. This means that the bottom 80% is left dividing up the remaining 20% of the rewards. You can guess which group is committed to raising their value by doing “as much as they can”, and which group is okay with doing “as little as they have to”.

So how do you raise your value in the workplace?

The five steps to raising your value in the workplace.

Know what is expected of you – Find out what is required to be great at what you do, know what your benchmark of excellence is according to your employer or clients, then study it and adopt it as your own. Own it!
- Have an uncompromising target – Don’t redefine excellence according to you or others if it gets too hard. Don’t compare yourself with others. Keep your eye on the target.
- Have an accurate target – If you don’t know exactly what is expected of you, find out.
- Have a worthy target – Find out what the best in the industry do, and then do what they do. Be the best at what you do.

Personal Growth – Grow yourself daily. People are willing to pay you more now, if they know you will be worth more down the road.
- Be teachable and ask lots of questions. Learn from the experts and allow others to add value to you.
- Accept and ask for constructive criticism. Don’t be easily offended and proud. Pride subtracts from your value.
- Make yourself great, don’t just reach the goal. Become a person who naturally does the goal.
- Learn how things work – Seek first to understand then to be understood. Listen more and speak less.
- Take responsibility – Make no excuses and blame no one else for your difficulties.
- Fail often – Own your failure, learn from them, and grow faster.

Alignment – If you wish to be more valuable, make sure that your values line up with the values of the organization. If they don’t, find somewhere that does.
- Represent the organization with integrity and class at all times.
- Protect the brand and reputation of the organization.
- Take pride in your organization and be part of something bigger than you.
- Work toward interdependance and synergy. Not independance and individualism.
- Don’t out think your superiors, trust the system and commit to the them. If it’s a bad system, you are in the wrong place.

Results – Finish the job, reach the finish line and excel past expectations.
- If you proclaim what you are capable of, then do it. Show that you are what you say.
- Commit yourself to the desired outcomes. No one completes a task without a commitment.
- Don’t try harder – Reject the “Try Harder” approach. It implies that effort is more important than outcomes.
- Less is not more – Don’t show you can do what you are getting paid to do. Show you can do more than what you are getting paid to do. By doing so you may get even more to do and paid even more to do it.

Leadership – Leading your self is most important. But if you have the ability to influence others, you will multiply your value by infusing your abilities into others.
- Leadership raises the value of everyone around them, thus raising your value.
- Leadership is influence and has exponential growth. It multiplies your efforts rather than just adding to them.
- Leadership is much harder to find, thus putting you in higher demand to others.
- Leadership brings solutions to world of problems, and order to a world of chaos.
- Leadership raises the lid of your potential, and gives you financial leverage.

Appreciation for Suffering

Posted on December 21, 2016 by Joel Smith

Brown and White Bear Plush Toy Lately I have been studying the topic of “suffering”. It sure has become more clear to me that we as Americans spend quite a bit of time and effort trying to shield ourselves from difficulty. We go to great lengths sometimes to keep ourselves and our loved ones from hardship.

Unfortunately there are so many people suffering in the world. Some suffer for reasons brought on by their own decisions, some by evil and others simply because we are born into imperfect parishable flesh or at the hands of evil. This makes it challenging to see any redeeming value in our suffering, especially unnecessary suffering. This article is not meant to make light of those people out there going through truly difficult trials. I suspect many of those would appreciate this message.

But what about necessary suffering? Is there such a thing?

I believe that through our lifetime there are different stages of development that suffering is not only beneficial, but necessary for growth that gets you to the next stage. Anyone bent on avoiding suffering will undoubtedly avoid growth and will cease to move through the stages of development. The two go together and are unseparable.

A few benefits to suffering.

Suffering makes us tougher. Professional athletes didn’t get tough from childhood pillow fights. They beat their bodys and make them stronger and more resiliant. They make suffering part of their daily regimin.

Suffering helps us appreciate those who suffered before us. It is easy to take for granted that which has been handed to us by previous generations. We owe it to the next generation to leave this place as well as we received it.

Suffering points out that something is not right and needs to change. When we feel physical pain, anxiety or guilt we experience a certain level of suffering. If we didn’t have this we would continue pushing on toward the source of whatever is causing the problem.

Suffering produces perserverance and developes a sense of commitment and a vision for victory. When we fail to fully commit to something we will always fall short. If we give ourselves a way out to avoid difficulty we end up paying the full price with a penalty.

Suffering makes us smarter and wiser. The most successful leaders in history learned from their painful experiences. They got back up, tweeked a couple things and tried again. Each time they learn something not to do.

Suffering purges the lazy out of you. Sometimes we need a jumpstart to realize how our avoidance of suffering keeps us from getting things done. I don’t like to shovel snow, but when I get out there and start working, it feels pretty good, then I am inspired to something else constructive.

Suffering is necessary to overcome sin. At least the sin associated with a particular growth stage. Sin often comes from avoiding personal suffering, sometimes at the expense of others. We are more okay with others suffering.

Suffering helps us relate to the suffering that Christ experienced. We can relate to our savior and know Him in his suffering. We take for granted the price that was paid on our behalf. When we suffer we gain understanding of how necessary it is for a price to be paid in full.

Everything that makes us stronger, smarter, wiser, more powerful and more commited will never happen without a measure of suffering. Suffering needs to be something to seek daily and not to avoid.

A little bit of suffering now prevents a whole lotta suffering later!

Any thoughts?

…Then Ask Someone Who Knows

Posted on July 15, 2016 by Joel Smith

In May I posted a blog titled …Then Don’t Do That – A Glance at the Art of Sowing and Reaping. It explores why we do things we know we ought not do, even when we understand the consequences. We talked about how knowing the right thing, or best thing to do isn’t always enough. We need to strip ourselves of all the obstacles that cause us to make excuses and wrong decisions and get to a place of self-transparency (oh, I like that term, I should have used that in the other blog).

But what about those times when the best option isn’t clear? Maybe it’s not enough to know that you need to lose a few lbs, or confront someone about something, or get to some things you’ve been putting off. Maybe you have some understanding of the situation, but you have come to the end of your expertise and just don’t know what the next steps should look like. What do you do? Do you do nothing, or run away? Do you guess and hope? Do you fake it so no one else can see you are clueless?

If you are stuck in a complicated situation and don’t know what to do or how to proceed …Then Ask Someone Who Knows. There is a good chance that someone in your life or even someone not yet in your life has experienced something similar to what you going through and could shed some light on the situation for you.

“If you are stuck in a complicated situation and don’t know what to do or how to proceed …Then Ask Someone Who Knows”

So why, when we find ourselves in difficult situation, do we try to solve many of our own problems ourselves? Why are we so hesitant to seek out advice? These are the questions we will try to tackle in this blog.

Other peoples Blind-spots

Ever notice how clearly we can see other people problems? We spend some time with friends or relatives and after we think “They should really hire a financial adviser” or “see someone” about this or that. You listen to people give you reasons and excuses for doing the things they do and in your head you can’t understand how they could be so dense or what they could possibly be thinking. To you and many others around them the solution is so clear. You wonder why they can’t see what everyone else can see. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many people tell them something, they just can’t see it because it is a blind-spot, like the back of your head or the place you can’t see from the drivers seat because the mirror is limited and the windows are not 360 degrees.

Your Blind-spot

Well, that person with the big blind-spot is you! It’s also me, and everyone else. We all take our turn being that person, some of us more than others. You see we are all born with a huge blind-spot. Our eyes were created pointing away from us and not toward us. We need something outside of ourselves like a mirror to see what we cannot naturally see in ourselves. We can never completely get rid of our blind-spot, but over time, through many failures and accomplishments and careful instruction we can gain a much clearer perspective on just how much we need other peoples input in our lives.

It is true that generally other people can see your situation from clearer more objective position when provided the facts. Their eyes are pointed toward you. Unlike you they are more able to take personal feelings, prejudices, historical bias’s out of your equation, just because they are not you.

We need others input but we do need to be careful to who we trust with advice. Some people seek out advice, but the problem is that they may be asking the wrong person. When you hang out with fools, the advice you get is going to be foolish.

The Fool

A fool is a person who makes decisions without thinking through the consequences. They typically live their life from one moment to another gratifying their desires with instant solutions doing whatever feels natural to them in the moment. They usually have a wake of broken relationships and lost opportunities following them that they have failed to learn from. It’s one thing to have a history of failed experiences and relational strife, but to continue the same foolish patterns over and over is indeed what defines us as a fool.

“When you hang out with fools the advice you get is going to be foolish.”

When you put a bunch of foolish people in the same environment or community, like crabs in a bucket they pull each other down and keep each other from succeeding feeding the foolish behavior. Most of us grew up with fools all around us. We bought into so many of these foolish ideas without even knowing. Until something from outside comes in to shed some light we will continue to move through life at the bottom of the bucket being held down by people just like us. It doesn’t have to be that way.

The Wise

To be wise means to give careful thought to your ways, to base your thought on knowledge and good judgement. Wisdom doesn’t come by simply thinking right. It comes from experience. There has never been a wise person who did not fail many times over. Wisdom comes from understanding adversity and adversity can only be understood from experiencing failure and learning from it rather than repeating it.
Wisdom is all around us if we just look. Sometimes we get so caught up in dwelling on the problems in life we fail to see the answers staring right at us.

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Building Blocks

For every skyscraper or bridge, how many had to fall down before they got it right? The complexity of a modern airplane or automobile is incredible. The engineers didn’t start from scratch, they stood on the shoulders of the great engineers that came before them. They learned what they knew, then took it one step farther. Modern medicine is learning more and more every day about how the body works. They do it by sharing information in Medical Journals and shared research. They learn from the ones that came before them.

I think sometimes we try to reinvent the wheel in our own lives. We get into difficult situations and don’t know what to do so like a pioneer we start trying to figure it out on our own. Sometimes when we can’t figure it out we lose motivation, quit and nothing gets any better. We move forward clinging to a fixed mindset that keeps us in the bottom of the barrel. We need to tap into other resources to maximize our success.

Stuck in your own head

I remember particularly when I was young when I was faced with a stressful situation or a dilemma I didn’t know how to handle I would begin to internalize the problem. I would be at school or work and a stressful problem would monopolize my thoughts and I would find myself zoning out when I was suppose to be focusing. I would sometimes be oblivious to what was going on outside of my head and be fixed on the problem. If someone had offended me my mind began racing trying to put it all together in my brain in such a way that I somehow would escape blame or responsibility. I would have entire conversations in my head about how I was getting the short end of the stick or what I was going to say to my offender or accuser. Sometimes I would just think about how bad the situation is or imaging how bad it will get and how helpless I felt. I think I would get a little obsessed with the moment and allow it to consume me. I was stuck in my own head.

Escape your head!

Here is what I realized about those times. My thoughts were all focused on the problem and not the solution. They were limited to the worries and negative thoughts inside my skull and failed to address the solution which was outside my skull. Over time I learned that in order to be solution minded I needed to get out of my head and into other peoples head. By other peoples head I mean find out what they know, what they have experienced and how they overcame obstacles. Sometimes just getting a fresh perspective was energizing and helpful.

“Over time I learned that in order to be solution minded I needed to get out of my head and into other peoples head”

When I was the center of my own world I could not escape this self-serving perspective that was going on inside my head. It was all I knew or could know. When I was removed from the center my universe and was rightly replaced by God as the center of my universe a whole new world of knowledge and perspective opened up to me. I found truth was outside of my own head and much bigger than I ever imagined. I no longer had to figure out or decide or determine how the world worked on my own. My skull no longer provided the boundaries to my problem solving arena. An age of discovery opened up to me.

The beginning of wisdom is realizing what you do not know. It is coming to the end of your own head and learning how to see the world through the eyes of others and God. Wisdom grows when you see the world and your life through the lenses of scripture and other people and how they see you. When this happens, your knowledge base and experiences to draw from are greatly multiplied and begin to build on each other on a much greater level than the old self-reliant model of thinking.

Be a receiver

If you want to expand your capacity for knowledge and wisdom, tap into other peoples brains and gather from their experiences. Ask someone who knows. Get connected to wise people. This, I believe is the secret to personal growth.

“For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” 1 Cor 4:7 NIV

Talent is Overrated

Posted on June 16, 2016 by Joel Smith

It’s amazing how many excuses we tell ourselves that keep us from reaching what we desire to achieve. There seems to be an unending string of rationalizations we create in our mind that explain away our shortcomings. We aren’t quite living up to what we could be if we just had a few things go our way.

No matter where you are in life there seems to be something illusive, just over the next hill that you aren’t sure you can reach. You think maybe you can, but you aren’t sure if you have the talent or skills required to get there. You see others that are further down the road and they seem to have a few more tools in their tool belt than you. They seem to understand their niche and have well-honed habits in place that help them operate at a higher level. It’s hard to compete with that.

I struggled with this type of thinking for a good chunk of my life. When I was younger I didn’t’ think I had what the other kids around me had. There seemed to be something missing. In the classroom I was average, but my friends seemed to be above average. In sports, I was too small and too slow to keep up, so my friends passed me in sports during high school. I found it frustrating that things seemed to come easier to some of my friends than they did for me. In other ways I found comfort in it because I knew there wasn’t much expected of me. The problem is that I didn’t expect much of me either. You may have known people like me.

Life really isn’t fair. It’s strange how some people can ace their classes without studying much at all (I hated those people). Despite my average talent, I was very competitive in sports. My best friend seemed to be one step ahead of me in every sport we played. (As long as it didn’t involve water. He sank when wet, and I found a sick comfort in that) Many of my other friends seemed to have some kind of talent they were developing and working on to help define them in their careers. After high school I really struggled to find myself. I was lost for a few years trying to find some skill I could use to make a living. I didn’t seem to be good at anything that really mattered. I later found out that was not true. I was just so busy comparing myself to others that I wasn’t applying myself toward personal growth.

I have noticed that sometimes even the most talented people really never make it to the big stage of success or at least don’t stay there. High school, college and professional athletes with mega talent fail under the big lights. They seem to have the talent to succeed but are missing the confidence, or maturity to live out the script others have written for them. Some don’t have the work ethic or discipline, some don’t have that competitive edge, and others simply do foolish things to disqualify themselves from the game. Think of all the political scandals that have taken people down and ended careers of very talented people before their time. It seems like success is more than talent.

Success is a tricky word. I don’t have the same thoughts on this word as I used to. When I was younger I used to equate success with either money, power or fame or some combination of the three. There were those talented people that had achieved a level of popularity, income or power that separated themselves from the rest of the ordinary folks. They were the ones that were fortunate enough to have received an extra portion of talent so they were entitled to a little more than the rest of us. They used their talents and were rewarded for it.

I see things a bit differently now. When I look at the most successful people that I know, they seem to shine for other reasons. Most of them are definitely talented in their own ways but it is not the talent that stands out as the reason for their success. They seem to have something that not even most super talented people have. I discovered that you really don’t need to have much natural talent at all to be successful, but you do need a few other foundational qualities to support the talent you do have.

Work Ethic
You don’t have to have talent to have great work ethic. You can be very untalented and your work ethic will make you stand out from most of your peers. People who have a great work ethic sometimes catch up and pass those with more natural talent (tortoise and the hair). The nice thing about work ethic is that you can apply that quality and it becomes a super tool that helps every part of life.

Our personal life and our work life both come with problems. Life is hard, and sometimes it sucks! People let us down, we make mistakes. Sometimes things we work hard to build get destroyed and we have to start all over again. A person with a strong work ethic will bounce back much faster than a more talented person with less work ethic.

People with a strong work ethic are always working toward something. They are always looking forward to what they need to achieve, not looking backwards at what they already have achieved. People who look backward at their accomplishments and pat themselves on the back tend to quit and coast and develop a sense of entitlement.

If you want to be in high demand in the marketplace, be worth more to your employer than what you are being paid. Then as you become more successful and make more money, continue to be worth more than your wage. Any time your wage catches up to your market value, you need to kick it into another gear or you may soon be replaced. There are always cheaper more talented people, but not necessarily people with great work ethics. Pretty simple but some people never get this.

Truth Tellers
A solid skillset does not make a person more trustworthy. Honest words can come out of anyone’s mouth at any talent level. We can decide to wrap ourselves around the pillar of truth, or we can wrap the truth around the pillar of us. It just takes a commitment to discovering, understanding and embracing the truth independent of our opinions. When we do that, our words will reflect reality.

An honest answer is the ultimate compliment to someone. It says, “I respect you enough to tell you what is really going on, and it’s not my place to tell you otherwise” To be trusted is a virtue that is far greater than any talent. It is available and free to embrace by all who choose it.

Truth Finders
Truth is not the same as knowledge. There is a lot of information out there that is not true. Not only is it important that we continue growing and learning more as we go, we also need to be discerning what is true from what is not true. We need to discover what ways work better than other ways. If you are not sure of the best way to do something, keep looking, ask someone who has been there. Truth is to be discovered, not determined. Are you looking for the truth or looking to be right?

Finding truth always begins with you. I have met people who are very honest with others but struggle with telling themselves the truth. Their impact on others is limited because of this. They tend to allow themselves to be deceived by believing what others think of them or comparing themselves to everyone around them. They make excuses and rationalize decisions to justify their actions. Others are very honest with themselves and can more easily come to grips with their own shortcomings. This can come when our pride is stripped and we learn our place among others. The downside is that they tend to expect others to have the same introspective abilities, leading to stepping on peoples toes all in the name of transparency. I have been on both ends of this spectrum. It took me a long time to believe truth even exists, and it took even longer to embrace truth.

Growth Minded
What’s the difference between a 35 year old athlete and a 50 year old leader? One hasn’t hit their peak yet.

People with growth mindsets come in all sizes, shapes, ages and abilities. The one thing that they all have in common is that they push forward every day to increase their knowledge and effectiveness. I believe sometimes people with less talent have an easier time developing strong growth mindsets because they didn’t have all the extra talent to lean on earlier in life.

“We like to think of our champions and idols as superheroes who were born different from us. We don’t like to think of them as relatively ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary.”
― Carol S. Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Encouragers
Anyone can be a source of encouragement. A kind work can go a long way and doesn’t require any special abilities to deliver. The impact words can have on an individual that has been longing to hear words of affirmation is unlimited. You don’t have to write for Hallmark to put a smile on someone’s face.

Having an encouraging heart doesn’t come easily or naturally for most people. It takes a change of perspective in our own heart first. It does not require talent whatsoever. It just requires you to look around and appreciate what we have and what we have been given. “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

Being an encourager requires taking our eyes off of yourself and focusing on what others need to hear in order to grow. People need encouragement like a plant needs water or Donald Trump needs attention. If you are a grump, negative complainer with a sense of entitlement and a right to gripe, you will indeed miss out on this opportunity.

A person who taps into the ability to encourage others, thwarts himself into another stratosphere of game changers. This may be the most underused resource in the history of everything and everyone can do it.

Commitment
Once when I was a kid I told my grandpa I was going to swim across Lake Odessa. He said something that stuck with me. “Make sure you set your sights on the other side of the lake. If you set your sights most of the way, and make it, you will drown.” Most people know how to quit. We don’t finish most of the things that they start. We don’t finish our marriages. We don’t finish college. The dropout rate for high school is growing every year. We can’t seem to keep our weight under control. And, most of us can’t seem to figure out the one or two most important things to finish each day before the sun goes down.

Boats have anchors to commit them to a specific location. The anchor is heavy enough and deep enough to be stronger than the elements working to move the boat. Without an anchor, even with the best intentions, there is nothing to keep the wind and the waves from blowing you away from where you want to be. When you do drift away from your desired location, you likely won’t even know you have moved. The change is subtle. Unfortunately many people go through life without any type of anchor. Sometimes they intentionally live without an anchor so they don’t get too tied down or stuck in a place they don’t want to be. In the process, they end up in other places they never intended to go, with people they didn’t intend to be around, doing things they didn’t intend to do. They become someone they didn’t intend to be wondering how they got there. The key word is intend. No one can ever live a life of intentionality without understanding the value of commitment.

You already have everything you need to impact the world.