Category Archives: Growth Mindset

Perspective From a Recovered Victimist

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A Fallen World:

Evil lurks in all corners of the globe and expresses itself in many ways. Wars, terrorism, domestic violence, sexual assault, racial injustice, and other hate crimes seem to fill the front-page day after day.

While suffering is inevitable, we do not have to allow past sufferings to keep us in bondage. Life is too short to allow hardships to define us or keep us from growing into what we were made to become.

I do not write this to minimize anyone’s hardships or to suggest that the journey to overcome is a simple one.  Rather I write this to help bring understanding on how we may be able to disassemble one of the most powerful strongholds in our world, the metal roadblock that keeps so many people in bondage.

Overcomers:

As a business owner, and leadership coach with a primary responsibility of helping individuals grow into what they were meant to be, I have had the privileged of sitting across the table from hundreds of individuals over the years. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to help someone get past their personal roadblocks and discover their purpose in this world.

Over the years I have noticed some distinct common threads that nearly all the most successful people in history possess. The greatest characteristic is that they are overcomers. They all faced many obstacles such as oppression, physical disadvantages, economical disadvantages, and competitive opposition, but somehow pushed through to acquire the place they seemed to be destined to reach.

While there are external forces all around us that wage war against our personal success, I have found that the obstacles we glorify in our heads present the greatest obstacles. The limitations we allow to exist in our own thoughts far outweighs the external circumstances we must overcome. The reason they are so hard to overcome is because we think these ideas are supposed to help us.  They have an appearance of wisdom but have an inverse consequence that keeps us in emotional bondage. We push these buttons harder and more often, and it seems things only get worse. Much like struggling to free yourself from quicksand.

Victimism:

I believe that the greatest roadblock for many in this generation is a victim mentality. I will use the term “Victimism” to describe this state of mind.  A person who embraces victim mentality would be a victimist.  To be clear, there is a difference between a victim and a victimist.  We are all victims of circumstances and evil behavior pointed toward us at times in our lives.  Some far more than others.  Victimists embrace a victim mentality as a defense mechenism. Not all victims are victimists, many are overcomers. Not all victimists are victims, they tend to play the part for personal gain (as I did). Many victims use their experience to become victimists. Victimism comes natural to most people. It is also taught and encouraged by other vicitmists.

The Urban Dictionary says:

“Victimism can similarly be defined as a kind of philosophy whereby one chooses to perpetually see one’s self as a victim of some sort for the purpose of accruing sympathy and empathy. The ultimate purpose of victimism is simply to attain social power, influence, and status by exploiting the well-meaning sympathies and good intentions of the general populace for its social/political support. If one “plays the victim” one can gain power and influence by exploiting the sympathies of the masses.”

Successful people encounter hardship just like everyone else.  Sometimes the hardships make them even stronger. Individuals that have been protected from hardship are ill-equipped for success and find they have not been prepared to go the extra mile. It takes a measure of persistent struggle to develop a finely tuned agent of victory.  The greater the obstacle, the greater the achievement.

Michael Jordan has a ferocious personality that is bent towards overcoming.  The more you tell him he cannot do, the more determined he is to prove you wrong.  There is no victimism in his head. This persistent mindset is common amongst high performing athletes, leaders and top-level performers in any field.

Responibility and Victimism:

Make no mistakes, victimism is not a responsible position to embrace. It is what happens when people run from responsibility.  It fills the gap left behind. Victimism gives you the excuse for why you have not reached a higher level of success.  It allows you to be blameless in your quest for justification. Victimism focuses on the outward circumstances as the determining factor or blame for your own inadiquate status.

I believe victimism is the mindset that keeps people stuck far more than their external circumstances. It is the mindset that keeps us in bondage.

Overcomers will always tell you that they are NOT a victim. They will go to great lengths to make sure they are not perceived as such. They understand that overcoming and victimism are in direct opposition to one other.  Once they experience the freedom of escaping victimism, their eyes are opened and they are able to see their lives and future with more clarity and certainty.  You may be a victim in your mind, but you don’t have to stay that way. You cannot simultaneously be both a victimist and an overcomer.  One requires a fixed mindset, the other a growth mindset.

Principles of an Overcomer:

People who overcome victimism have several mental principles that they have discovered and adopted as their personal mantras for success:

  • Overcomers take 100% responsibility for their lives. They understand that what they achieve is going to depend on their desire to overcome rather than helplessness that comes from obstacles placed in their path by other people.
  • Overcomers have a “No Excuses” mindset. They do not push responsibility onto others as they once did when they were a victimist.  They own up to mistakes, make amends and pay restitution when appropriate.  They are quick to apologize and slow to point fingers or place blame on others.
  • Overcomers are problem solvers – They look forward and focus on solutions, not backwards toward blame. They are looking for resolution, not justification or blamelessness.
  • Overcomers believe that “No one owes me anything”. They are not entitled and do not believe their success depends on anyone else.
  • Overcomers have Appreciation – They appreciate everything they have been given and don’t dwell on whay they have not.
  • Overcomers don’t feel sorry for themselves. They don’t embrace self-pity or try to gain sympathy from others.  Because of this, they have a stronger self-image.
  • Overcomers are not quitters. They do not focus on the suffering. They focus on the outcome that comes through personal perseverance. They expect pain.  It is the cost of success, always.
  • Overcomers don’t have a need to embellish the truth to change people’s perceptions. They thrive on exposing the truth rather than manipulating it for personal gain.
  • Overcomers want to help other people to face their own victimism so they can overcome as well. They have discovered something great and want to share it with the world.
  • Overcomers do not surround themselves with victimists. They surround themselves with overcomers.

I’ve Been There:

In full transparency, I was a victimist for nearly half of my life.  During that time, I didn’t even know that I was.  It was like I had a vail over my eyes. Victimism has been in my family all of my life and I was systematically trained up with this mindset.  I didn’t know any other way. I learned that emotional manipulation as the ultimate survival technique.

As a young adult, I had been hurt and was angry at my parents, and most everyone. Due to a divorce, my mother, younger brother and sister were struggling just like me and I was angry that my siblings were put in this situation at such a young age. Our world had been turned upside down. It seemed like everyone had abandoned us, either physically or emotionally. It felt like that, because I was a victimist. Reality was a bit different, less dramatic. My mind puffed up my plight.

I was a victim in a minor sense, but then I quickly became a victimist. It was easier than growing up and facing responsibility for my own life. It was easy to make someone else responsible for who I have become.  I embraced it and used it as my shield.  It was my mask that kept everyone else from seeing my scars and my ugly wounded heart. With my mask, I didn’t have to grow up. It gave me a free pass by lowering everyone’s expectation of me, including my own. In my mind, I wasn’t to blame for my failures. Victimism didn’t expect anything from me, nor did I.

The Hope:

But, there is hope. Through a time of self-discovery I became face to face with the truth about myself. At 23 years old, I was about to take responsibility for my life for the first time EVER…

To hear the rest of this story please contact me and I would be glad to share how I overcame victimism.  joelsmith123@yahoo.com

Five Ways to Raise Your Value in the Workplace

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  1. Know what is expected of you – Find out what is required to be great at what you do, know what your benchmark of excellence is according to your employer or clients, then study it and adopt it as your own. Own it!
    • Have an uncompromising target – Don’t redefine excellence according to you or others if it gets too hard.
    • Don’t compare yourself with others. Keep your eye on the target.
    • Have an accurate target – If you don’t know exactly what is expected of you, find out.
    • Have a worthy target – Find out what the best in the industry do, and then do what they do. Be the best at what you do.
  1. Personal Growth – Grow yourself daily. People are willing to pay you more now, if they know you will be worth more down the road.
    • Be teachable and ask lots of questions. Learn from the experts and allow others to add value to you.
    • Accept and ask for constructive criticism. Don’t be easily offended and proud. Pride subtracts from your value.
    • Make yourself great, don’t just reach the goal. Become a person who naturally does the goal.
    • Learn how things work – Seek first to understand then to be understood. Listen more and speak less.
    • Take responsibility – Make no excuses and blame no one else for your difficulties.
    • Fail often – Own your failure, learn from them, and grow faster.
  1. Alignment – If you wish to be more valuable, make sure that your values line up with the values of the organization. If they don’t, find somewhere that does.
    • Represent the organization with integrity and class at all times.
    • Protect the brand and reputation of the organization.
    • Take pride in your organization and be part of something bigger than you.
    • Work toward interdependance and synergy. Not independance and individualism.
    • Don’t out think your superiors, trust the system and commit to the them. If it’s a bad system, you are in the wrong place.
  1. Results – Finish the job, reach the finish line and excel past expectations.
    • If you proclaim what you are capable of, then do it. Show that you are what you say.
    • Commit yourself to the desired outcomes. No one completes a task without a commitment.
    • Don’t try harder – Reject the “Try Harder” approach. It implies that effort is more important than outcomes.
    • Less is not more – Don’t show you can do what you are getting paid to do. Show you can do more than what you are getting paid to do. By doing so you may get even more to do and paid even more to do it.
  1. Leadership – Leading your self is most important. But if you have the ability to influence others, you will multiply your value by infusing your abilities into others.
    • Leadership raises the value of everyone around them, thus raising your value.
    • Leadership is influence and has exponential growth. It multiplies your efforts rather than just adding to them.
    • Leadership is much harder to find, thus putting you in higher demand to others.
    • Leadership brings solutions to a world of problems, and order to a world of chaos.
    • Leadership raises the lid of your potential, and gives you financial leverage.

How Rockstar Restaurant Leaders Build a Rockstar Staff

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Restaurant leaders realize how important it is to have quality people on your staff.  People are the building block of all businesses.  Nothing is more important.

  • Every food order gets made by a person,
  • Every customer has their order brought to them by a person.
  • Every business decision is made by a person.
  • All problems are caused by people and solved by people.
  • Nothing happens in a restaurant that isn’t affected positively, or negatively, by efforts of people.

The most important responsibility for a restaurant leader is to recruit, hire and keep quality people. So why do so few restaurant leaders do it well?

I am a firm believer in the Pareto Principle, otherwise known as the 80/20 principle. This principle says:

  • 20% of our efforts lead to 80% of our results.
  • 20% of your people are responsible for 80% of your production.
  • 20% of the people make 80% of the decisions.
  • 80% of the money is owned by 20% of the people.
  • 80% of our problems are caused by 20% of our habits.

I have seen this principle played in the service industry over and over again.  The top 20% of restaurant leaders attract the top 80% of the most qualified employees.  The bottom 80% of restaurant leaders are left with the remaining 20%.

If you could measure the effectiveness of each of the restaurant leaders in your city or metro area, you could distinguish the top 20% from the bottom 80%. The 80/20 principle says there is a significant different between how the average top 20% leader, operates verses the average of the bottom 80%.

I will call the top 20% Rockstar Restaurant Leaders (because that is what they are).  The bottom 80% I will call Mediocre Managers (because that is what they are willing to settle for).

The problem? 

Mediocre Managers generally have one thing in common.  They manage according to what feels natural.  It is that simple. Mediocre Managers typically do as little as they have to, instead of doing as much as they can. It is the popular mindset of our current culture of managers in the service industry. And this is exactly what provides the top 20% of the leaders a distinct advantage.

Here are 3 Ways Rockstar Restaurant Leaders build their kingdom with Rockstar Employees.

  1. Rockstar Restaurant Leaders have a Winning Mind-set.

Mediocre Managers adopt a scarcity mindset when it comes to staffing their store.  They believe the available prospects are poor candidates. It seems all the good people are taken.  In their case, they may be right.  They may have created this environment.

They are discouraged by people failing to show up for interviews or show up on their second day of work.  They believe that the results from recruiting people are not worth the time they are required to put in.  Many of these managers, find it difficult to let go of underperforming employees. There is no one to replace them with.  So, they think.

Rockstar Restaurant Leaders have an abundance mindset. They fully understand that the quality of their staff is 100% up to them.  They believe there are plenty of great candidates out there, they just need to go get them. They are intentional about creating a margin of time. They develop resources to maximize their recruiting efforts. They understand that nothing is more important.

Mediocre Mangers will blame the job market and lose hope. They will wait with skepticism for quality employees to walk through their door. They leave the future of their staff up to chance.  They are a victim of their circumstances and play that role well.  Being short staffed is their default expectation sealing their destiny.

“Once there were 3 bricklayers. Each one of them was asked what they were doing. The first man answered gruffly, ‘I’m laying bricks.’ The second man replied, ‘I’m putting up a wall.’ But the third man said enthusiastically and with pride, ‘I’m building a cathedral.’” –Author Unknown

In her mind a Rockstar Restaurant Leader is building a cathedral!  Don’t settle for being a bricklayer.

  1. Rockstar Restaurant Leaders are Magnets.

They are the glue that holds everything together.  They are honest, hardworking people who care about their team.  They understand how to cast a vision that motivates their people to become the best they can be.  They are not dependent on anyone, yet they don’t work independent of the organization. Rockstar Restaurant Leaders understand the importance of inter-dependence.

“You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Zigler

If you want to have the best staff, you have to be the best leader. We are competing for the best people. Sometimes you don’t even have to be the greatest leader to have an excellent staff. You just need to be a step above all the underperforming managers out there. There lies our opportunity. The Mediocre Managers have set the bar pretty low.  We need to decide to rise above the level of mediocrity.

People believe that our current job market is the most difficult in decades. That’s only because they want to reap what they have not sown.  We have the best opportunity to create a Rockstar staff than ever before.  We need to be a better leader, provide a better place for the better people to go. When we do, people will follow.

I have mentioned the following to several people over the years. Sometimes it has not been received well.  I suspect that believing it makes it difficult to blame external circumstances.

There are people out there that are great at staffing a team. Wherever they go they always attract the better people and tend to retain better people.   No matter the local job trends or unemployment rate, these leaders will establish a quality team in a short amount of time. Wherever they go they leave a wake of superior teams.  They are Rockstar Restaurant Leaders and they create their own opportunities.

  1. Rockstar Restaurant Leaders find the RIGHT people and remove the WRONG people.

The wrong employees take up space leaving no room for the right employees.  Mediocre Managers goal is to find enough employees to fill the schedule and try not to lose them.  They don’t like to recruit so they put off recruiting until they fall behind.

The eagles get tired of working with turkeys and fly the coop. The result is they are always running behind playing catch up surrounded by turkeys they can’t fire.  In our company we call this backwards leverage.

There is a lie out there in the service industry that suggests that turnover is BAD!  I say turning over eagles is BAD! however turning over turkeys is GOOD!   Learn to embrace the eagles by intentionally turning over the bottom 25% of your crew (the turkeys).  Those that master this will create the space required to build a Rockstar Staff. Eagles will flock to an environment like this.

The RRL does not compromise on finding quality people.  The eagles appreciate the high standards and the turkeys don’t fit in.  One by one the RRL begins to build their team one eagle at a time, building a core group that stands out above the crowd.

If you need help becoming a Rockstar Restaurant Leader, please contact me.

 

 

Six Things Rockstar Restaurant Leaders DON’T Do

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RockstarRockstar Restaurant Leaders are the men and women that make the restaurant industry go around.  These are the leaders that people run through walls for.  They have a certain ability to get things done when others fall behind.  When a Rockstar Restaurant Leader is in the house, everyone knows their Captain is running the ship, and everything is all good.

These extraordinary people come in all different sizes and shapes. They very in personality types and skillsets.  They have many different styles and temperaments, and sometimes seem to have little in common apart from their effectiveness.

I have discovered that Rockstar Restaurant Leaders have several things in common that they DON’T do.

1. The don’t waste their time indulging in self-pity.  They have far too many more important things to do to waste any time feeling sorry for themselves.  They are focused on a bigger picture than simply their felt needs.

Self-pity is the ultimate time waster.  People who are easily offended or need others to affirm them, have a hard time directing their focus away from themselves.  When you are always looking inward, you can’t see the big picture or the goal at the end of the road.

2. They don’t make excuses for their mistakes or shortcomings. You may have heard the saying “If you want to keep your excuses from making you useless, stop making useless excuses.”

Blamelessness is a value that too many people feel emotionally driven to uphold.  They believe people will look down on them and “Judge” them if, God forbid, they have to admit a mistake in front of people.

Unfortunately many people believe that their identity is tied to their mistakes or failures.  When people fail, they believe they ARE a failure.  Rockstars.. well, they seek out opportunities to fail.  That’s how they learn to tackle problems, seek out solutions and make people better.

Failure is their building block to problem solving.  Rock Star Restaurant Leaders are great problem solvers.

3. They don’t go into their adventures any less than fully committed.  You will never accomplish anything to a greater level than you are committed to.  Our commitments define and raise our ceiling.  When we are working on moving up the chain of command, we don’t necessarily need to commit long term to our position or even the company we work for.  But we do need to be fully committed to the position we have and the responsibilities placed before us.  We need to be fully committed to give your best efforts and attention to adding value to the people around you.

Too many people fail to commit to anything.  Afterall, why should we do more than we are getting paid to do?  SO PEOPLE WILL SEE US AS VALUABLE.  Our value comes from the amount of value we add to our employer, to our customers and to our team that we work with.  That is our one job.  Make things better for everyone around you.  We need to get to the other side!  You can’t do that with one ore in the water.

4. They don’t stay the same. Rockstar Restaurant Leaders are hungry.  They are driven to constantly be working on improving their skills, their attitude and their ability to influence their team.

RRL’s are not really motivated by incentive plans and bonuses.  They appreciate them, but they are more driven by a dream of becoming great at what they do. Not just a Rock Star, but a Super Hero Rockstar. They have a vision of what they will become and they visit that image in their head every day.  It is what makes them lose sleep at night thinking about it.  They have the ability to look past the everyday obstacles and keep their focus on the road ahead.

If you want to have something you don’t have, you have to do something you have never done.  Your future depends 100% on what you do to make yourself a greater person.

5. They don’t take shortcuts or take the easy way out when others aren’t looking.  They understand what it means to be exceptional.  Exceptional people don’t blend in.  The go to great lengths to stand out from the crowd.  They understand that the crowd is just fine with mediocre and that creates a clear path to getting ahead.  Sometimes it’s not how great we are, it’s about what we refuse to settle for.

RRL’s do not operate independently.  They are not attracted to chaos or rebelliousness that come with a free spirit.  They have long graduated from their dependent, and independent phase of life and embrace the need for interdependence.  They are fully accountable for all of their actions and enjoy the freedom that accompanies transparency.  They draw near to other people seeking excellence.  As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

6. They don’t feel that anyone owes them anything. They do not have a sense of entitlement.  Our current situation in life is the sum total of all of the decisions we have made to this point. We are not limited by our circumstances. Whatever we accomplish, we have to earn.  No one is going to give it to us.

Many people are more focused on what they have coming to them, affirmation, a raise, promotion or to be recognized for the greatness they are.  Being labeled and rewarded as a Rockstar is more important to some people than becoming a Rockstar.

A True Rockstar finds comfort knowing that they are worth more than they are being paid at the present time.  They don’t mind because they fully understand that their future wage is 100% dependent on them, not their circumstances.  They enjoy having the job security of knowing how valuable they are to the team and their employer.  An overpaid employee, as good as they may be is still OVER paid.  They have negative value.  This means the company would be better off if they didn’t have them, hence the term over paid.

As a RRL continues to stretch the margin of their value. They create space for potential financial gain by polishing themselves as a coveted gem. A person who over achieves will always have people knocking on their door to offer them more responsibility that leads to more money.  Creating a margin of value creates options for your future. Go get yourself some options!

What is it that you need to NOT do?

You Should Be Committed!

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We live in a world that struggles mightily with commitment. We either fear commitment or we over commit ourselves.  The value of a commitment has depreciated greatly over the last century.

“Most people fail, not because of a lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.”  Vince Lombardi

We live in a culture where:

  • On average less than 30% of employees continue beyond one year in the hospitality industry.
  • Our most recent retirees changed jobs an average of 11 times by the time they retired.

In light of social media, the quality of our relationships has taken a back seat to the quantity of our relationships. This is both personally and professionally. The lack of face to face interaction makes it much easier to disengage and look elsewhere to have our needs met.

We can always find another “friend” or job when things start to go sideways. Our unemployment rate is at its lowest in decades. It’s easier now to move sideways to avoid responsibility and start over than ever before. The average number of Facebook friends is 338!  Do we really have or need that many?  Is it possible to have so many friends that we experience loneliness? That seems to be what is happening.  It only takes a click to  friend, and a click to unfriend.  There is not a lot of trust required, and virtually no commitment apart from the effort of a click.

The Lateral Loop

Another trend that I see is that the number of employees that bounce to lateral positions has increased.  It’s like musical chairs for a large portion of the work force. They are searching for significance, wanderers in the universe trying to find that just right place to land. Unfortunately what we are looking for cannot be found in a job alone, nor can it be found without a level of commitment. I would estimate that around a third of the workforce in the service industry moves around from place to place without any significant growth or advancement. Are they are moving to find something, or to get away from something?

Stepping Stones

There are many very responsible reasons why people move on to other opportunities.  Starting a new career, or advancement in compensation, and opportunity for personal growth are a number of excellent reasons to terminate employment for another opportunity.  We love when people come to us with a bigger plan and use us as a stepping stone to get reach their dream destiny. Unfortunately in the hospitality industry, these are the exceptions rather than the norm.  Most turnover in the service industry has less to do with opportunity and more to do with a lack of commitment to push through current obstacles to reach another level. It’s amaizing how many people fail at the easiest jobs.

So many people are blind to the potential that is just down the road if they just stick it out, and be willing to stretch their capacity and develop their long-term credibility.  People who keep starting over never see the top of the mountain, but they work just as hard without ceasing because they have to.  They don’t get to experience the fruits of success that only comes through commitment, dedication and resolve.

No one who has accomplished anything worthwhile ever did so without first fully committing to it.

There is a greater opportunity for a person without a college or high school education to become a millionaire in the hospitality industry than any other industry in our country. I personally know many. For those who choose an alternate route than college, this should be music to your ears.  This industry is screaming out for responsible people willing to commit to learning and serving.  Opportunity isn’t the problem.

We have entered an era where lack of commitment leads to a lack of trust, and a lack of trust leads to a lack of commitment. It’s a downward spiral that will only reverse if we choose to break the cycle.

“Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” Paul J. Meyer

Stick it out!… Decide, Commit, Push Hard!…. Get there!

Are you truly committed? 

The Commitment Test;  (Be honest with yourself)

  1. Do you do as much as you can, or as little as you have to at work?
  2. Are you committed to personal growth?, or are you just living out who you already are?
  3. Are you fully committed unconditionally to your significant other, or is there a point that will justify a disconnect?
  4. Do you have 2-3 people in your life that you trust and can be 100% transparent with?
  5. Are you easily distracted by entertainment that keeps you from progressing?
  6. Do you go out of your way to find comfort and security?
  7. Do you struggle to finish what you start?
  8. Do you have several wasted days each month that you simply exist without cause?
  9. Do you have trouble saying “No” to good opportunities or people?
  10. Do you have trouble saying “Yes” to good opportunities or people?

If you have answered yes to more than a couple of these, you likely struggle with commitment.

If you wish to change that, here is a good start.

  • Decide what you want. Remove all other options and excuses from your brain.
  • Make one decision TODAY to commit 100% to something that what will move you closer. Write it down.
  • Tell someone about it and give them permission to hold you accountable to it.  Hint, don’t ask someone that is not committed to you.
  • Repeat tomorrow, and the next day until you feel satisfied that you have fully committed to what you want.
  • Keep an ongoing list of the commitments you need to focus on for growth, and a list of what you need to uncommit to, to make room for your new commitments. Hint, you cannot commit to one thing without uncommitting to another.
  • Now, stand by your commitments, and teach others…

I would love to hear your feedback.

 

 

It’s Not My Stinking Fault!

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The Problem With Blame

Over the years I have made a few observations how leaders and managers tend to handle situations that have gone south or are going south. When problems arise, for most of us we prefer the problem be someone else’s mistake so it doesn’t reflect on us. Some people go their entire life trying to avoid blame.

It seems to be important to clarify our innocence to avoid any negative perceptions about us. Once the blame has conveniently been assigned to someone else, we breathe a sigh of relief.

Man Wearing A Suit Jacket And Stripe Necktie

Sometimes we get so caught up in blame-shifting, we lose sight of perhaps the most important factor, the solution. Somehow blamelessness becomes our highest priority, or at least one of them.

“Some people’s blameless lives are to blame for a good deal.” – Dorothy L. Sayers

We will go to great lengths to make sure blame doesn’t stick to us. Inevitably we can’t avoid blame forever. We often truly are at fault. Our employees always see our faults, even when we re-assign them. When we admit our faults, we are usually the last to know.

Sometimes the question goes from “Why can’t people do anything right?” to “Why can’t I do anything right?” We associate fault with our identity. Sometimes we internalize blame and beat ourselves up. We believe the more blame becomes attached to our name, the less others will think of us, and the lower our self-image will be. We can become paralyzed by the fear of what others think of us. The lower our self-image is, the more it hurts to receive blame or criticism. It’s a vicious cycle that spirals downhill unless interrupted. This is not a healthy way to think and will lead every leader down a black hole of dispair.

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ―Wayne W. Dyer

If you are a person in charge, and have authority to produce results through other people, you may have learned that if something goes wrong under your care, it’s your fault. There may be some truth to this, but there is a difference between fault and responsibility. It may be entirely, or partially your fault. Either way it is your responsibility as the leader to determine the reasons the problem happened, so we can determine the solution and how to prevent it from happening next time. This is far more important that assigning blame.

I have seen people in the middle of a crisis, become fixated on proclaiming “It’s not my fault!” We see this with customer service. Instead of solving the customers issue that would require a simple apology (regardless of who is right), they make it personal and take up their need for innocence or justice. The solution gets ignored, and the problem grows.

Blame is one sided and typically leads to feelings of judgement. Blame drives people further away from taking responsibility for their actions, not closer. When blame is quickly heaped upon a person already struggling with their self-image, they move further away from taking ownership and initiative to fix the problem. Their fight or flight instincts kick in and self preservation safeguards go up. Their confidence takes a hit and they lose hope that they are capable of being part of the solution. This leads to a feeling stuck and helpless.

Ironically, some struggling managers are quick to deflect blame onto their employees thinking that somehow, they will respond differently. We pass on the disfunction because we don’t feel strong enough to stop it.

It’s Our Cultures Fault!

We want so badly to believe that all of our problems are because of our environment. It’s the people in our lives that let us down. It’s my parents fault, It’s the political environment. It’s the younger generation. Or my favorite, “it’s McDonalds fault that I am unhealthy”. The truth is that we are all 100% responsible for our own view of the world. When we stop trying to bend our worldview (or religion) around our personal justification and begin yeilding our lives around others, we will learn to appreciate what we have, and the people around us. When you see the world as a jungle, survival at others expense becomes our goal. When we see the world as a mission field, helping people at our expense becomes our joy.

No one else is responsible for your crappy worldview! It is 100% your responsiblity, so get over it and start doing something for others and your worldview will improve.

The Solution

When blame is big, responsibility is small. Responsibility is the missing ingredient that gets pushed aside for blamelessness. Responsibility takes ownership of the problem, but more importantly it takes ownership for the solution. It is positive outcome focused, rather than avoidance driven.

Great Leaders have the ability of taking the focus off the problem and redirecting it towards resolutions. They encourage ownership of solutions both corporately and individually. When people begin to take ownership of their own solutions, they begin to grow personally and the organization grows.

There is a fork in the road that all in leadeship have to face. This choice we make will determine if we take flight, or if we remain grounded by blame and doubt. Leaders in most any field inevitably must go through this doorway to get to your personal launch pad.

When you make the conscious decision to commit to being 100% responsible for your life, and let go of the need for blamelessness, you will be free from the control of blame. Those people in your past that helped form your self-perception by using blame or control, will have no authority or power over you any longer. You will be free.

Glasses Reading Glasses Spectacles Eye Wea

Once a person makes this choice, the light comes on and the blinders come off and a new refreshing outlook on their career and life begins. Those of you that have crossed this bridge understand what I am describing. Everyone has a different story for how they got to this place, but we must all get through this to find clarity.

“Once a person makes this choice, the light comes on and the blinders come off and a new refreshing outlook on their career and life begins”

The day you take 100% responsibility for your life is the day you will conquer the ugly blame monster and learn to give yourself and others a little grace and learn to pass it on. It’s the Law of Exchange. Like a trapeze artist, you grab ahold of responsibility with one hand and let go of blamelessness with the other. You go from bondage to freedom with one swing.

“If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you are going to have to take 100% responsibility for your life as well. That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all the reason why you can’t and why you haven’t up until now, and all your blaming of outside circumstances. You have to give them all up forever“– Jack Canfield – Taking 100% Responsibility for Your life. (great article).

John Maxwell says “You have to give up, to go up”. When you lead by example by being 100% responsible, people take notice and navigate toward you. When you give up blame, and embrace solutions, you become a magnet for future leaders. You become a vehicle to influence and prepare your employees for the time they come to their own fork in the road.

You can’t give away what you don’t have. So go get it!

I would love to hear your story of how you got over this obstacle.

Are You Struggling at Work?

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Emotional Distress in the Workplace

Have you ever found yourself stuck in your job feeling like you have come to the end of a dead-end street, or stuck on a long winding road? Have you wondered if there really is something greater around the bend that is worth striving for?  One of the most common reasons that we find ourselves feeling this way is due to emotional distress.

On an upcoming Wise Work Radio program Tom Noteboom and I will be exploring the question What Keeps People from Advancing in the Workplace?

Can you relate to any of the following symptoms of emotional distress?  If so, there is hope for you.

Symptoms of Emotional Distress

  • Anxiety or restlessness
  • Depression, feelings of sadness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Anger, bitterness, irritability or frustration
  • Guilt, or feelings of worthlessness or failure
  • Feeling overwhelmed or lost
  • Loss of interest or energy
  • Loneliness and isolation.

When we experience physical pain in the body we naturally tend to think that something is happening to us that is un-necessary and wrong.  We don’t always see value in the experience or see what may be coming next. It is easy to become distressed about our pain, but not so easy to learn from it or appreciate its value.

Guardrails

Emotional pain is much like physical pain. It points out that something is not as it should be.  Emotional pain is like a guardrail that says, if you keep going this direction you are going to experience even greater pain.

Andy Stanley says “Guardrails protect us from what lurks on the other side. The danger zone… Personal guardrails are boundaries you establish on the safe side of damaging decisions that protect you from the danger ahead. They’re meant to set off warning bells over seemingly little things…little things that can lead to big, messy consequences.”

Bumping up against a guardrail is painful, but not as destructive as pushing beyond them.  It should be a sign that your current path needs to change to avoid greater harm. We need to establish emotional guardrails to keep our distress from leading us into more difficult situations down the road.

Distress Affects Others

If you are struggling with emotional distress in your place of work, others around you likely notice your struggles.  It can be very difficult to meet the challenges required to grow and advance in your career when you have internal obstacles that are working against you, and sometimes unknowingly against others.  It’s even harder if you don’t want to believe your struggles are indeed internal (your own doing) and not due to your circumstances, or other people holding you back.

Emotional distress increases when responsibility is avoided.   It’s your responsibility to find the solution to your distress, not your right to embrace it, or for others to be responsible for it.  Face it, Embrace it, Replace it!

So, Where is the Hope?

Mat 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Come To Me…

If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, anger or guilt you know what it means to be weary and burdened.  You may feel like there is no rest for your soul, like something is missing, buy you cannot quite put your finger on it.

Jesus challenges us to a call to action by telling us to “come to me, all you who are weary and burdened…”.  He is not as interested in removing all your discomfort, as he is addressing the heart issue.  He wants to give you what is missing so you can find a lighter burden in your work.

Take My Yoke

The second challenge that Jesus calls us to in to “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…”.  Jesus isn’t saying that if you acknowledge him he will simply take away all your burdens.  He is saying if you join him on his journey, you will take on a different burden with him that will lead to restfulness.

Everyone Loves a Three-step Process…

So, what does it look like to come to Jesus and take his yoke?

Luke 9:23-24 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”

Jesus address’s the solution to our emotional distress.

  1. Deny yourself – Let go of any unrealistic, self-focused plans you have for yourself.
  2. Take up your cross daily – Stop fighting the wrong battle, and join Him in the good fight.
  3. Follow Jesus – Learn from the greatest person who ever walked this earth. The one who died for you!

Emotional distress is the natural consequence when someone walks through life with intention to “save their life”.  What are you willing to lose to find it?

Get Out From Under That Bowl!

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We have a problem in our country, in our world.  People don’t seem to value themselves much.  Suicide rates are up, people aren’t taking care of themselves physically, intellectually or emotionally. More and more people lack confidence and motivation to work towards significance.  So many in our culture seem to be defeated, they don’t seem to see any light or reason to even try to move forward.  They are stuck and feel helpless and hopeless with nothing real to believe in.

Is it any wonder people feel this way when they look around and see the philosophy of this world?  We live primarily in a country that the majority of people believe that there is no real lasting purpose in life.  Even people who claim to follow a belief system that includes a purpose tend to live as if there isn’t.  I meet so many people who don’t have anyone telling them otherwise. There doesn’t seem to be any light coming in the window to shine on them.

Jesus has an entirely different perspective on our value.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”  Mat 5:14-16

If you are in a position of influence but failing to influence, I challenge you to Get Out From Under That Bowl!

John Maxwell says that we cannot add value to others until we add value to ourselves.  The way we treat and value others is less of how we view them and more about how we view ourselves.  If we don’t believe we have significant value, we won’t think others have significant value.  This is the Mirror Principle.

  • Honest people give others the benifit of the doubt,
  • Thieves believe everyone steals,
  • Trusting people see others as trustworthy,
  • Selfish people are always assuming the worst in others, 
  • Caring people see others as compassionate,
  • People with little confidence don’t have much confidence in others,

Cultural Influence

The truth is that our culture is lying to you.  You do have value, your potential is unlimited and open and available for you to discover.  You do have a purpose and it’s your responsibility to find out what it is.  No one can hold you back without your permission. Choice of thought is the most powerful tool you have.

If you are one who believes you hold little value… Get over yourself and do something about it!  Break your chains of bondage. People are counting on you even if you don’t realize it.  Imagine a line of people waiting to receive something of value from you that they desperately need… and you don’t show up.  From the looks of our world, it appears most are not showing up.

“A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.”

You were created in the image of God for a specific purpose.  When you find your purpose it will bring meaning and value to your heart.  When you discover your gift to the world, you will begin to love yourself and value yourself as God values you, not the way the world values you. 

“For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Mat 7:8

Contact me, lets chat.

So What Makes YOU so Valuable?

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dollarAre you valuable to your employer?  When I ask this question, most people  would say “Yes, I am valuable to my employer”, and many would be right. Some may tend to believe they are more valuable to others than they really are, while others may not realize their true value. We all want to think we add value. But what is value?  What does that mean? All employees’ matter of course, but the question I am asking is about value, and not importance.

Over the past few decades I have had the pleasure of working with hundreds of people.  I have worked with some amazing people.  They bring a great deal of value to the workplace and are major contributors to the success of the business. I am grateful for the staff and owe a debt of gratitude for all their hard work and commitment to helping us succeed.  Every business relies on these champions, and my company is no different.

Reflecting back, I have also worked with many that brought little or no value to the success of the business.  Unfortunately in today they seem to outnumber the champions.  And then there are those who take from the business … they would have a negative value. Grrrrr, don’t get me started.

There is a difference between “quality of a person” and “value of an employee”.  I have met many terrific people who contribute to the world and are wonderful people. But they brought little value to our workplace.  Some were good people just in the wrong industry. Some were trying to take on responsibilities they were not qualified to do, and others just simply were not willing to put forth the effort to add value.

Entitlement

Unfortunately there is another group of people in the world that are a bit more challenging than the groups listed above.  There are those who are emotionally broken and find it very difficult to see the world through any other lens but their own distorted pair.

When a person becomes desperate or stressed sometimes something gets triggered that can send them into a state of self-preservation.  They begin to go into survival mode and become blind to others needs and how others see them in this state.  A sense of entitlement takes over as they focus on how much they have done for others and how little they have received in return.. They may believe they are much more valuable to their employer than what the employer or teammates know to be true.  They may express their feelings of being under appreciated or take a more passive agressive approach. They tend to justify doing less or helping themselves to “added benefits” because they feel underpaid anyway so they are just “evening the score”.  Sometimes even when their work is suffering thay can have a puffed up distorted perspective of their value to the company. Usually by this time the writing is on the wall.  You have likely worked with a person like this.

I am defining “value” in this article as the level a person contributes toward the success of a company, relative to their cost to the company.

People find reward by what we do in many different ways. Satisfaction of adding value to others is one of the most valuable rewards you can experience.  It can go a long way toward feeling fulfilled, but it doesn’t tend to replace the need for meaningful financial gain.  We all have responsibilities and needs that require making the most of our efforts.

Let’s Make a Deal

Most of us have had an experience with some kind of negotiation.  In some cultures people haggle over the value of a peach or banana.  We haggle over the value of a car or a house. We comparison shop all the time. The value message is everywhere.  It’s the backbone of capitalism. We do this because the whole idea is to get as much value as you can for the lowest possible cost to you. It would be poor stewardship to pay more than we need for an item.  Indeed, that is true.

In the job market, more experience, talent, education and a polished curb appeal leads to higher compensation. You are trying to make what you have already accomplished count for as much as possible. You want to get as much compensation for your future efforts as you can as long as you can deliver the goods. This is how it is, and should be.

The Change of Allegiance

Once you have chosen your position in the workplace and begun working, your allegiance changes. Or at least it should.  If it doesn’t you are certain to remain at odds.

If you continue to put your needs above the company making sure you are paid more than what you are worth, there is a simple way to cut to the chase.  Just do less.  Unless you work on commission, your rewards are sure to outweigh your efforts if you just do less.  As shortsighted as this seems, it really is the domanat approach in our country, unfortunately.

Bad work ethic

Do as little as you have to instead of as much as you can.  This is the simplest way to make sure you are compensated more than what you are worth. If you really want to get creative, do less, threaten to leave, and ask for more money.  The bottom of the workforce lives by the mantra “Do just enough, make what you can and take what you need.”   Unfortunately our government has created an environment where sometimes people are incentivized to work less to receive more.

That sounds crazy but I’ll bet it struck a chord with you.  Either you have been there and done that or have been affected by people like that.  There are people that make deposits in this world and there are people who make withdrawals. You can figure out who adds more value to their own lives, career and their community.

In our company we call this the 60/90 effect.  If you allow someone to work at 60%, they most likely will.  They’ll do “as little as they have to”.  If you expect them to work at 90% they may.  Only if inspired, will people do “as much as they can”.  I have yet to find an exception to this including myself.

Value Defined

costIf we define employee value as “the level a person contributes toward the success of a company, relative to their cost to the company.” then we also need to flush that out and address a major misconception.

If you wish to experience success you need to be worth more to your employer than what you are paid.  What? That doesn’t sound right!  You want me to make less than I am worth?  Hang with me here pilgrim.

Someone who outperforms their compensation will raise their leverage and keep their services in high demand.  When your compensation catches up to your value through competitive demand, it’s vital that you continue to strive to increase your worth to show that you are a worthy investment to your employer. If your employer believes their return on investment with you has become too costly, you may be asked to renegotiate your current agreement, or worse, you may become expendable.

“You need to be worth more to your employer than what you are paid”

The Golden Rule of Adding Value

If you wish to expect someone to contribute to the value of your company, you first need to contribute to the value of their life. People who feel more valued have more value.  It’s funny how we as humans will run through walls for someone who runs through a wall for us.  To the degree that a person adds value to you is the degree that you will go above and beyond your compensation and enjoy doing so.

The flipside to this is also true.  If you are an employee and you wish for your employer to recognize you and increase your compensation.  There is really only one way to do so.  Raise your value in the eyes of everyone around you.  Become more valuable to your employer. Don’t try to appear more valuable, be more valuable.  Contribute more to the bottom line and make his/her job easier.  Be exactly what they need for you to be in order for them to reach their goals and levels of success that is expected of them.  Sometimes that means doing more, sometimes it means doing less of the meaningless things, and more of the important things. Sometimes it’s adjusting your values or learning a new skill or perfecting an existing skill.  It always requires effort; it always comes at a price.

“If you are an employee and you wish for your employer to recognize you and increase your compensation.  There is really only one way to do so.  Raise your value… “

As an employer, I can say without a doubt that the people who embrace this perspective create their own opportunities.  They flourished in their development and value to the company and in their value in the job market. If they increase their value and become a greater influence, compensation and opportunity will naturally increase. This is true.  It’s the law of supply and demand.   If it doesn’t happen, you have not really added value as you believe you have, or you are working for the wrong company and need to explore your options.

What are you worth?

Your market value is not what you believe you are worth. If I could determine what my efforts are worth, I would set it at a thousand dollars per hour, or $500 per pizza.  Unfortunately for me it doesn’t work like that.  It’s the people that are paying for what you bring to the table that need to decide what they are willing to pay you. The more you actually bring to the table the more valuable you are to others. It’s not how much time you put in or how well you know your job or how good you can convince others you are, it’s how much value you actually bring to the organization above and beyond your potential replacement in light of your current compensation. That’s your market value, nothing more, nothing less.

Good News!

You may not realize this, but employers are willing to pay more money than you currently make, to people with more value than you currently have.  That is great news!  That means all you have to do is increase your value to make more money.

You are completely in control of your income potential.  You can choose to stay the same and continue with a similar wage, if that is what you value.  Or if you desire a higher standard of living you can choose to invest in personal growth, adjust your allegiance to excellence, raise your value and be compensated for your efforts.  You are the captain of your ship, not your environment, not the person signing your check.  No one is holding you back, but you.

“…employers are willing to pay more money than you currently make, to people with more value than you currently have…That means all you have to do is increase your value to make more money.”

Your potential for raising your income is 100% up to you and not limited to external factors.  It’s not up to your boss, it’s not up to the government, and it’s not due to bad luck, the economy or your upbringing.  It’s up to YOU to change you.

The Pareto Principle (80/20) says that the top 20% of the people share 80% of the rewards.  This means that the bottom 80% is left dividing up the remaining 20% of the rewards.  You can guess which group is committed to raising their value by doing “as much as they can”, and which group is okay with doing “as little as they have to”.

So how do you raise your value in the workplace?

The five steps to raising your value in the workplace.

  1. Know what is expected of you – Find out what is required to be great at what you do, know what your benchmark of excellence is according to your employer or clients, then study it and adopt it as your own. Own it!
    • Have an uncompromising target – Don’t redefine excellence according to you or others if it gets too hard. Don’t compare yourself with others. Keep your eye on the target.
    • Have an accurate target – If you don’t know exactly what is expected of you, find out.
    • Have a worthy target – Find out what the best in the industry do, and then do what they do. Be the best at what you do.
  1. Personal Growth – Grow yourself daily. People are willing to pay you more now, if they know you will be worth more down the road.
    • Be teachable and ask lots of questions. Learn from the experts and allow others to add value to you.
    • Accept and ask for constructive criticism. Don’t be easily offended and proud. Pride subtracts from your value.
    • Make yourself great, don’t just reach the goal. Become a person who naturally does the goal.
    • Learn how things work – Seek first to understand then to be understood. Listen more and speak less.
    • Take responsibility – Make no excuses and blame no one else for your difficulties.
    • Fail often – Own your failure, learn from them, and grow faster.
  1. Alignment – If you wish to be more valuable, make sure that your values line up with the values of the organization. If they don’t, find somewhere that does.
    • Represent the organization with integrity and class at all times.
    • Protect the brand and reputation of the organization.
    • Take pride in your organization and be part of something bigger than you.
    • Work toward interdependance and synergy. Not independance and individualism.
    • Don’t out think your superiors, trust the system and commit to the them. If it’s a bad system, you are in the wrong place.
  1. Results – Finish the job, reach the finish line and excel past expectations.
    • If you proclaim what you are capable of, then do it. Show that you are what you say.
    • Commit yourself to the desired outcomes. No one completes a task without a commitment.
    • Don’t try harder – Reject the “Try Harder” approach. It implies that effort is more important than outcomes.
    • Less is not more – Don’t show you can do what you are getting paid to do. Show you can do more than what you are getting paid to do. By doing so you may get even more to do and paid even more to do it.
  1. Leadership – Leading your self is most important. But if you have the ability to influence others, you will multiply your value by infusing your abilities into others.
    • Leadership raises the value of everyone around them, thus raising your value.
    • Leadership is influence and has exponential growth. It multiplies your efforts rather than just adding to them.
    • Leadership is much harder to find, thus putting you in higher demand to others.
    • Leadership brings solutions to world of problems, and order to a world of chaos.
    • Leadership raises the lid of your potential, and gives you financial leverage.

Appreciation for Suffering

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Brown and White Bear Plush ToyLately I have been studying the topic of “suffering”. It sure has become more clear to me that we as Americans spend quite a bit of time and effort trying to shield ourselves from difficulty. We go to great lengths sometimes to keep ourselves and our loved ones from hardship.

Unfortunately there are so many people suffering in the world. Some suffer for reasons brought on by their own decisions, some by evil and others simply because we are born into imperfect parishable flesh or at the hands of evil. This makes it challenging to see any redeeming value in our suffering, especially unnecessary suffering. This article is not meant to make light of those people out there going through truly difficult trials. I suspect many of those would appreciate this message.

But what about necessary suffering? Is there such a thing?

I believe that through our lifetime there are different stages of development that suffering is not only beneficial, but necessary for growth that gets you to the next stage.  Anyone bent on avoiding suffering will undoubtedly avoid growth and will cease to move through the stages of development.  The two go together and are unseparable.

A few benefits to suffering.

  • Suffering makes us tougher. Professional athletes didn’t get tough from childhood pillow fights. They beat their bodys and make them stronger and more resiliant. They make suffering part of their daily regimin.
  • Suffering helps us appreciate those who suffered before us.  It is easy to take for granted that which has been handed to us by previous generations.  We owe it to the next generation to leave this place as well as we received it.
  • Suffering points out that something is not right and needs to change. When we feel physical pain, anxiety or guilt we experience a certain level of suffering. If we didn’t have this we would continue pushing on toward the source of whatever is causing the problem.
  • Suffering produces perserverance and developes a sense of commitment and a vision for victory. When we fail to fully commit to something we will always fall short. If we give ourselves a way out to avoid difficulty we end up paying the full price with a penalty.
  • Suffering makes us smarter and wiser. The most successful leaders in history learned from their painful experiences. They got back up, tweeked a couple things and tried again. Each time they learn something not to do.
  • Suffering purges the lazy out of you. Sometimes we need a jumpstart to realize how our avoidance of suffering keeps us from getting things done. I don’t like to shovel snow, but when I get out there and start working, it feels pretty good, then I am inspired to something else constructive.
  • Suffering is necessary to overcome sin. At least the sin associated with a particular growth stage. Sin often comes from avoiding personal suffering, sometimes at the expense of others. We are more okay with others suffering.
  • Suffering helps us relate to the suffering that Christ experienced. We can relate to our savior and know Him in his suffering. We take for granted the price that was paid on our behalf. When we suffer we gain understanding of how necessary it is for a price to be paid in full.

Everything that makes us stronger, smarter, wiser, more powerful and more commited will never happen without a measure of suffering. Suffering needs to be something to seek daily and not to avoid.

A little bit of suffering now prevents a whole lotta suffering later!

Any thoughts?